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A few years after our separation and subsequent divorce, my ex-wife moved with our two children from Munich to Hamburg. Until then, I saw my daughter and son regularly and easily on the weekends and during the holidays.

When my family moved to Hamburg, everything changed suddenly. The move finally made me a separated father.

Unfortunately, at the time I had to realize that there was no forum for separated fathers like me to exchange and inform. My search on the Internet was unsuccessful, although I now know that many fathers have had similar experiences.

That was my incentive to…

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The realization came from one moment to the other, even if it was to be foreseen for a long time. It's like "suddenly it was night" or "suddenly it was winter". It was to be expected, there were clear signs, experience actually taught me. Still, it surprised me, which amazes me very much.

How did I come to the surprising realization that my children are grown-up now, i.e. all adults? I don’t know exactly, in any case it didn’t happen in direct contact with my children. …

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Displacement occurs in many areas of life: a ship’s hull that displaces water, a company that drives a competitor out of the market or a footballer who pushes his opponent off the ball. They all have the following principle in common: where there is one body, there cannot be another.

The means used for displacement are often illicit and unfair. In a competition that is conducted with fair means and in accordance with the rules, there is no competitor who got pushed aside, only winners and losers. Some people prefer to talk about the first and the second winner.


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Some time ago I was driving by car to a workshop together with my sister. On the way we talked about all kinds of things, we had more than enough topics. At some point the conversation turned to my - this - blog.

We talked about the fact that some of my articles seem happy and light, others rather sad and heavy. I told her it all depends on the feelings I have while writing. …

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In the many years as a separated father, I have repeatedly lived through situations in which I felt rejected, hurt, offended, or treated unfairly by my children. In such cases, I react either with verbal aggression or with withdrawal.

Basically, this topic runs through almost my entire life and has nothing to do with my role as a father. But in relation to my children, feelings of this kind are particularly intense and lasting.

I even think that a lot of people know such feelings. At least from time to time I can observe corresponding reactions from friends or colleagues…

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There are many aspects to the subject of the separated father that are worth exploring. In my earlier articles I have already written about a number of topics that I know very well from my own experience.

Everything that I have written and will write about, I have experienced myself. I neither write on the basis of what I have read, nor do I write on the basis of hearsay. What you can read here are my own experiences and insights.

My previous articles deal with more or less problematic topics. It's about loss, pain, loneliness, helplessness, fears and worries…

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Over the years my children have lived in Hamburg, many events have happened that I was unable to be a part of. I only found out about some of the events in retrospect, some events I probably don't know about until today. By and large, my children's development has literally passed me by.

At this point I could list an infinite number of incidents in which I was unable to participate. Just to give one example: When my daughter moved out of home and moved into an apartment with her boyfriend, I couldn't help her. …

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Do you know the nursery rhyme "There´s a hole in my bucket"? I guess you know it! If not, you can easily find it on YouTube. And what to do with the hole in the bucket? Of course, you mend it. No question!

The fact that the hole cannot be mended is pretty funny in this song, but rather sad in my life. In case you're wondering which hole I'm actually writing about here: It's about the hole that opened up in me when my family moved from Munich to Hamburg.

The separation from my first wife was a long…

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In modern Western society, the image of family and fatherhood has changed dramatically over the past few years and decades. Compared to before, it has become much more colorful, diverse and multifaceted.

While in the past the father was primarily only the producer and breadwinner of his child, today he is still a carer, friend, playmate, or chauffeur.

In some countries, fathers now take parental leave, accompany their child to the playground, do their homework with them, or take them to preschool. Many fathers even take on the complete day-to-day management for their child, which used to be an undisputed…

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Who needs another reason to celebrate these days? A couple of good friends, delicious food, enough to drink, great music, and the party starts. Why? Not so important! The main thing is that the guests are in a good mood and the neighbors are not stressful. Sounds great, doesn't it?

In this way, any day can become a festival, but I do not refer to such holidays at this point. In this article, I am particularly concerned with Christmas, New Year's Eve, Easter, birthdays or other celebrations that families usually come together for.

Each of these festive days has a…

Christian Peter Niklis

850 kilometers are no big deal if you go on vacation, but they surely are if you miss your children. Stories from a German father. (www.papa-bleiben.de)

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